Hash N+348 "Democracy Hash"

Sunday, 8th of November

🍻🐾 BH3 HASH N+348 — DEMOCRACY HAD ITS TURN. NOW IT’S TRAIL’S & BEER’S.

🐇 Hare: Opulence

📍 Starting point: Parking Lot 9, Parque da Cidade

After postponing our last Hash because of the Brazilian elections, Hash N+348 is back! The nation has had its chance to choose a direction. Now come and follow someone who hasn’t got one.

Opulence has volunteered to hare this one. He knows Parque da Cidade extremely well, which removes his last credible excuse for laying a shitty trail.

Will we stay inside the park? Invade the surrounding quadras? Pass the same tree four times? Only the hare knows, and that’s assuming he remembers where he put the flour.

THE ELECTION PROMISES:

🚶 Walkers: Around 6 km. This figure has not been independently verified.

🍺 Beer stop: The only campaign promise we intend to keep.

🎉 Circle: Compulsory nonsense with no right of appeal.

One hare. Years of local knowledge. Absolutely nowhere to shift the blame.

🍺 WHAT TO EXPECT

Chalk Talk: Opulence explains the markings. Everyone nods wisely. Three minutes later, someone asks what the arrows mean.

The Trail: A scenic tour of places you’ve already been, approached from increasingly confusing directions.

Beer Stop: Rehydrate, regroup and insist you weren’t lost—you were checking.

The Circle: Questionable songs, fabricated charges and Down-Downs handed out by people whose own behaviour would never survive an investigation.

Evidence will not be required.

Innocence will be treated as suspicious.

Knowing the rules will only make things worse.

🎒 BRING

🌧️ Raincoat or poncho: Your personal human condom. The rainy season is back, and the sky clearly thinks we need a wash.

☀️ Sunscreen: Because Brasília can roast you before soaking you.

🧢 Hat: Keep something useful on your head.

👟 Suitable shoes: Ideally a matching pair.

💧 Water: Yes, actual water.

💰 Beer money: An investment with immediate returns.

😂 Sense of humour: You’ll need it when “nearly there” becomes another kilometre.

🎩 Any remaining dignity: Please label it. Unclaimed dignity will be donated to the virgins.

Get off the sofa and join Brasília’s finest collection of:

🍺 DRINKERS WITH A RUNNING PROBLEM 🏃

Fresh air, bad directions, excellent company and a hare who will swear the trail looked shorter on his phone.

🍻🐾 ON ON! 🐾🍻

                       Hash N+347 

        "Jardim de Burle Marx Hash"

Sunday, 11th of October

🍻🐾 BH3 HASH N+346 → N+347

 

🍺 WHAT HAPPENED AT N+346?

Hash N+346 started at Brasília’s National Library, with Opulence responsible for whatever passed as a trail.

The route took us through central Brasília, partly because we expected four visiting Hashers from the USA. In true Hash fashion, they cancelled at the last minute, claiming they had already walked enough that morning and it was too hot.

Apparently, international travel is fine. Walking on arrival is where they draw the line.

Around eight Hashers gathered at 15:00 before heading past the cathedral, the American and Russian embassies, and into the residential quadras of Asa Sul.

Our beer stop was at a PT election party on the Eixo, where we attracted a few curious looks. Nobody seemed entirely sure what this collection of thirsty gringos was doing there. Neither did we, but there was beer.

The American Hashers eventually joined us for the circle and some free beers, showing excellent timing and a firm understanding of Hash priorities.

After the usual songs, accusations and Down-Downs, we headed to the Samba bar in Lago Sul to introduce our visitors to some Brazilian neighbourhood culture. They thoroughly enjoyed it, especially once the walking was over.

All in all, another thoroughly shitty Hash. Well done, Opulence!

---

🍻 NEXT UP: HASH N+347

🐇 Hares: Union Jack-Off & Sperm Bank

📍 Starting point: Jardim de Burle Marx, SQS 308

Union Jack-Off’s better half used to live nearby, so he claims to know the area like the back of his hand.

Whether he knows where that hand is pointing remains to be seen.

With Sperm Bank assisting, expect a shitty trail delivered with entirely unjustified confidence.

Expect approximately:

🚶 Walkers: Around 6 km… allegedly.

🍺 Beer stop: Definitely.

🎉 Circle: Unfortunately unavoidable.

The trail could go absolutely anywhere. Two hares should mean twice the local knowledge. More likely, it means twice the excuses.

🍺 WHAT TO EXPECT

Chalk Talk: Listen carefully. Forget everything immediately. Follow someone who looks equally confused.

Beer Stop: An opportunity to discuss how lost we are while pretending this was always part of the plan.

The Circle: Questionable songs, dubious accusations, false testimony and unnecessary Down-Downs.

Evidence will not be required.

Innocence will not help.

Lessons will not be learned.

---

🎒 BRING

🌧️ A raincoat or poncho, also known as a human condom. The rainy season is back, and apparently the sky has unfinished business with us.

☀️ Sunscreen

🧢 Hat

👟 Suitable shoes

💧 Water

💰 Beer money

😂 Sense of humour

🎩 Any remaining dignity

The dignity is optional. You won’t be taking it home anyway.

Get off the sofa and join Brasília’s finest collection of:

🍺 DRINKERS WITH A RUNNING PROBLEM 🏃

A guided tour of poor decisions through Brasília, complete with questionable navigation, excellent company and beer.

🍻🐾 ON ON! 🐾🍻

 

           Hash N+346 "Brasilia Hash"

Sunday, 27th of September

🍻🐾 BH3 HASH N+345 → N+346

🍺 WHAT HAPPENED AT N+345?

N+345 kicked off at Parque das Garças, Lago Norte, with 12 brave Hashers and the usual level of organisation.

The trail was supposed to be set by Sir Shagsalot and Union Jack-Off, but Sir Shagsalot decided that 6:00 AM was a perfectly reasonable time to start laying trail. Union Jack-Off chose beauty sleep instead. Fair enough. Some battles cannot be won.

We also welcomed back our long-lost Hasher Just Gabriel and his wife. Gabriel went to America for a holiday, met Just Pi, and somehow returned to us four years later and was married. His wife was apparently seeking our approval.

Approval granted. 🍻

Missing were our four Californian wankers, thanks to a small scheduling cock-up by Opulence. They should finally appear at N+346. Allegedly.

The trail was just under 5 km, heading through the end of Lago Norte with the obligatory capybara watch along the way.

After the Circle, survivors moved on to Na Grão for Samba Night, where we lost a few more brain cells and significantly improved the bar's Sunday revenue.

A successful Hash, then.

---

🍻 HASH N+346

This time Only Nick was brave, stupid, or drunk enough to volunteer as Hare.

📍 START: Brasília National Library

🕒 TIME: 15:00 SHARP

📅 Sunday

We're right in the heart of Brasília, suspiciously close to the hotel of our four visiting Yankees.

Coincidence? Probably not.

Expect approximately:

🏃 Runners: 7–9 km... maybe.

🚶 Walkers: Around 6 km... allegedly.

🍺 Beer Stop: Definitely.

🎉 Circle: Unfortunately unavoidable.

The trail could go absolutely anywhere. Even the Hare probably doesn't know yet.

---

🍺 WHAT TO EXPECT

Chalk Talk: Listen carefully. Forget everything immediately.

Beer Stop: Beer contains water. Water prevents dehydration. Therefore beer is basically sports nutrition. Please don't consult a doctor.

The Circle: Questionable songs, dubious accusations, false testimony and unnecessary Down-Downs.

Evidence will not be required.

Lessons will not be learned.

---

🎒 BRING

☀️ Sunscreen

🧢 Hat

👟 Shoes

💧 Water

💰 Beer money

😂 Sense of humour

🎩 Any remaining dignity

The dignity is optional. You won't be taking it home anyway.

So get off the sofa and join Brasília's finest collection of:

🍺 DRINKERS WITH A RUNNING PROBLEM 🏃

This isn't exercise.

It's a guided tour of poor decisions through Brasília.

With beer.

 

🍻🐾 ON ON! 🐾🍻

 

             Hash N+345 "Lago Norte Hash"

Sunday, 13th of September

🍻🐾 BH3 HASH N+345

🍺 WHAT HAPPENED AT HASH N+344?

Hash N+344, hared by Sperm Bank and Opulence, was a dusty, hilly and ticky little bastard of a trail.

Officially, it was only 4.7 km.

Physically, it felt like 10.

By the end, almost everybody, except the suspiciously cheerful hares and Just Siena, was cursing like sailors.

Just Siena bounced along and reminded us old farts that we too were apparently young once, with energy, working knees and other things now lost to history.

The trail was shitty as, the beer stop was desperately welcome, and the Circle delivered the usual accusations, drinking and public humiliation.

Another Shitty BH3 Hash.

🍻 HASH N+345

MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!

Two weeks ago, Sir Shagsalot VOLUNTEERED to hare N+345.

Naturally, this meant Union Jack-Off was automatically volunteered as well.

Both come from that small rainy island that somehow conquered half the planet with wooden ships, warm beer and an unjustified level of confidence.

Yes...

GREAT BRITAIN.

Expect stiff upper lips, posh accents, mild colonial arrogance and, inevitably, drunkenness.

Should either hare start speaking in an excessively snobbish English accent, the Hash Master grants temporary permission to slap them.

Gently.

We do have standards.

Very low standards, but standards nonetheless.

And to make matters worse, some wankers from California are joining us.

They claim they're here for a conference.

We know they really came to experience South America’s finest dysfunctional kennel.

So let's make sure they return to California confused, slightly dehydrated and with at least one story they can't tell their employers.

On On!

---

📍 STARTING POINT

Parque das Garças at the end of Lago Norte

🕒 TIME

15:00 SHARP

Which in Hash terminology means we'll stand around drinking and insulting each other until the late bastards finally arrive.

---

🗺️ THE TRAIL

🏃 RUNNERS – Yes there will be a runners trail

Distance: 7–9 km

Elevation: More than you'd like.

Navigation: Questionable.

Survival: Probable.

Beer: Even more probable.

If you get lost, remember the ancient Hash technique:

Run faster in the wrong direction.

🚶 WALKERS

Roughly 6 km of:

·         Complaining about the heat.

·         Complaining about the trail.

·         Complaining about the hare.

·         Inventing shortcuts that make the trail longer.

·         Asking "How much further?" every seven minutes.

·         Suddenly developing Olympic speed when somebody says BEER STOP!

---

🍻 WHAT TO EXPECT

🎭 CHALK TALK

Listen carefully. Nod intelligently. Forget everything within five minutes.

🍺 BEER STOP

Beer contains water.

Water prevents dehydration.

Therefore beer prevents dehydration.

SCIENCE.

Please don't ask an actual doctor.

🎉 THE CIRCLE

Questionable songs. Dubious accusations. False testimony. Public humiliation. Unnecessary down-downs.

Evidence will not be required.

Lessons will not be learned.

The perfect Sunday afternoon.

---

🌞 WEATHER

Probably hot enough to fry an egg on a car bonnet.

Or it might piss down.

In September?

Apparently the weather gods have started drinking early.

THIS IS BRAZIL. 🇧🇷

---

🎒 BRING

☀️ Sunscreen

🧢 A hat

👟 Running or walking shoes

💰 Beer money

💧 Water

😂 A sense of humour

🎩 Whatever dignity you still possess

Don't worry about bringing the dignity home.

It won't survive the Circle.

---

Dust off your shoes, stretch absolutely nothing, ignore common sense and join Brasília's finest collection of: 🍺 DRINKERS WITH A RUNNING PROBLEM 🏃

THIS ISN'T EXERCISE.

It's a guided tour of poor decisions through the Brazilian bush, following questionable markings laid by two British wankers...

with a beer stop.

🍻🐾 ON ON! 🐾

            Hash N+344 "Parque Copaibas Hash"

Sunday, 30th of August

🍻🐾 Welcome to Brasília Hash N+344 🍻🐾

🍻🐾 BH3 HASH N+344 – RETURN TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

🍺 What Happened at Hash N+343?

The last Hash, N+343, was hared by our very own Calcoholic, a man who apparently believes bridges, traffic and beer are perfectly acceptable ingredients for a Sunday afternoon.

We started near the JK Bridge, headed halfway across for the obligatory Hash Flash, then turned back and wandered past the golf course and into the club sector.

Naturally, before the Hash even started, the usual Brazilian Hasher excuses began arriving:

"It's too hot."

"It's too cold."

"There's too much sun."

"My wife wants quality time."

"My girlfriend doesn't know about my wife."

"My goldfish has anxiety."

Frankly, it's a miracle Brazilians have survived in Brazil this long.

Meanwhile, the gringos looked at the beautiful weather, shrugged, opened a beer and hashed anyway.

ON ON!

---

🍻 HASH N+344

For our next exercise in poor judgement, we return to Parque Copaíbas in Lago Sul.

This historic location is where Sperm Bank first made the catastrophic mistake of joining our dysfunctional collection of wankers.

Clearly he learned absolutely nothing from the experience, because now he has volunteered to hare N+344, under the questionable guidance of Opulence.

What could possibly go wrong?

Actually, Parque Copaíbas should give us a bloody good trail, with gorgeous views over Lake Paranoá and the JK Bridge guaranteed.

Whether the trail itself is gorgeous is another matter entirely.

So prepare yourself for a shitty Hash, great company and plenty of golden ale.

And please...

NO WEATHER EXCUSES.

Nobody believes you anyway.

---

📍 STARTING POINT

Parque Copaíbas – Lago Sul

🕒 TIME

15:00 SHARP

Which, in Hash terminology, means we'll stand around drinking and insulting each other until the late bastards finally arrive.

---

🗺️ THE TRAIL

🏃 RUNNERS

Distance: Classified information.

Elevation: More than you'd like.

Navigation: Questionable.

Survival: Not guaranteed.

Beer: Probable.

🚶 WALKERS

Expect roughly 6 km of:

·         Following arrows that probably aren't ours.

·         Complaining about the heat.

·         Complaining about the trail.

·         Complaining about the hare.

·         Complaining about the runners.

·         Complaining about the walkers.

·         Inventing shortcuts that somehow make the trail longer.

·         Pretending you're "just keeping a steady pace."

·         Asking "How much further?" every seven minutes.

·         Miraculously developing Olympic-level speed when someone mentions the beer stop.

---

🍻 WHAT TO EXPECT

🎭 CHALK TALK

Vital instructions delivered by people who have absolutely no idea where they're going.

Listen carefully.

Then immediately forget everything.

 

🍺 BEER STOP

A medically questionable but Hash-approved treatment for dehydration.

Remember:

Hydration is important.

And beer contains water.

Science.

 

🎉 THE CIRCLE

Expect:

Questionable songs.

Dubious accusations.

False testimony.

Public humiliation.

Unnecessary down-downs.

Cold beer.

And absolutely no lessons learned.

In other words...

The perfect Sunday afternoon.

---

🌞 WEATHER FORECAST

Probably hot enough to fry an egg on the bonnet of a car.

Possibly hot enough to fry a lost Hasher.

This is Brazil.

You knew that when you moved here.

---

🎒 BRING

·         Sunscreen.

·         A hat, unless sunstroke is part of your training programme.

·         Water, for those strange people who drink it.

·         Beer money.

·         Running or walking shoes.

·         A sense of humour.

·         Whatever dignity you still possess.

Don't worry about bringing the dignity home.

It won't survive the Circle.

---

So dust off your running shoes, stretch absolutely nothing, ignore common sense and join Brasília's finest collection of drinkers with a running problem.

Remember...

THIS ISN'T EXERCISE.

It's a guided tour of poor decisions...

...through the Brazilian bush...

...with questionable navigation...

...and a beer stop.

🍻🐾 ON ON!