Hash N+344 "Parque Copaibas Hash"

Sunday, 30th of August

🍻🐾 Welcome to Brasília Hash N+344 🍻🐾

 

🍻🐾 BH3 HASH N+344 – RETURN TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

🍺 What Happened at Hash N+343?

The last Hash, N+343, was hared by our very own Calcoholic, a man who apparently believes bridges, traffic and beer are perfectly acceptable ingredients for a Sunday afternoon.

We started near the JK Bridge, headed halfway across for the obligatory Hash Flash, then turned back and wandered past the golf course and into the club sector.

Naturally, before the Hash even started, the usual Brazilian Hasher excuses began arriving:

"It's too hot."

"It's too cold."

"There's too much sun."

"My wife wants quality time."

"My girlfriend doesn't know about my wife."

"My goldfish has anxiety."

Frankly, it's a miracle Brazilians have survived in Brazil this long.

Meanwhile, the gringos looked at the beautiful weather, shrugged, opened a beer and hashed anyway.

ON ON!

---

🍻 HASH N+344

For our next exercise in poor judgement, we return to Parque Copaíbas in Lago Sul.

This historic location is where Sperm Bank first made the catastrophic mistake of joining our dysfunctional collection of wankers.

Clearly he learned absolutely nothing from the experience, because now he has volunteered to hare N+344, under the questionable guidance of Opulence.

What could possibly go wrong?

Actually, Parque Copaíbas should give us a bloody good trail, with gorgeous views over Lake Paranoá and the JK Bridge guaranteed.

Whether the trail itself is gorgeous is another matter entirely.

So prepare yourself for a shitty Hash, great company and plenty of golden ale.

And please...

NO WEATHER EXCUSES.

Nobody believes you anyway.

---

📍 STARTING POINT

Parque Copaíbas – Lago Sul

🕒 TIME

15:00 SHARP

Which, in Hash terminology, means we'll stand around drinking and insulting each other until the late bastards finally arrive.

---

🗺️ THE TRAIL

🏃 RUNNERS

Distance: Classified information.

Elevation: More than you'd like.

Navigation: Questionable.

Survival: Not guaranteed.

Beer: Probable.

🚶 WALKERS

Expect roughly 6 km of:

·         Following arrows that probably aren't ours.

·         Complaining about the heat.

·         Complaining about the trail.

·         Complaining about the hare.

·         Complaining about the runners.

·         Complaining about the walkers.

·         Inventing shortcuts that somehow make the trail longer.

·         Pretending you're "just keeping a steady pace."

·         Asking "How much further?" every seven minutes.

·         Miraculously developing Olympic-level speed when someone mentions the beer stop.

---

🍻 WHAT TO EXPECT

🎭 CHALK TALK

Vital instructions delivered by people who have absolutely no idea where they're going.

Listen carefully.

Then immediately forget everything.

 

🍺 BEER STOP

A medically questionable but Hash-approved treatment for dehydration.

Remember:

Hydration is important.

And beer contains water.

Science.

 

🎉 THE CIRCLE

Expect:

Questionable songs.

Dubious accusations.

False testimony.

Public humiliation.

Unnecessary down-downs.

Cold beer.

And absolutely no lessons learned.

In other words...

The perfect Sunday afternoon.

---

🌞 WEATHER FORECAST

Probably hot enough to fry an egg on the bonnet of a car.

Possibly hot enough to fry a lost Hasher.

This is Brazil.

You knew that when you moved here.

---

🎒 BRING

·         Sunscreen.

·         A hat, unless sunstroke is part of your training programme.

·         Water, for those strange people who drink it.

·         Beer money.

·         Running or walking shoes.

·         A sense of humour.

·         Whatever dignity you still possess.

Don't worry about bringing the dignity home.

It won't survive the Circle.

---

So dust off your running shoes, stretch absolutely nothing, ignore common sense and join Brasília's finest collection of drinkers with a running problem.

Remember...

THIS ISN'T EXERCISE.

It's a guided tour of poor decisions...

...through the Brazilian bush...

...with questionable navigation...

...and a beer stop.

🍻🐾 ON ON!

                         Hash N+343 "JK Bridge Hash"

Sunday, 16th of August

 🍻🐾 Welcome to Brasília Hash N+343 🍻🐾

Well, the bloody World Cup is finally over, and Hash N+342 dragged us kicking and screaming back into the only sport that really matters... drinking beer after pretending to exercise. 

The trail marked the glorious debut of Just Phil as a hare, under the "expert" supervision of Union Jack-Off. Did the Canuck pass his hare test? Well... according to Union Jack-Off, Just Phil successfully managed to mark a handful of arrows and even one lonely check. A proud achievement indeed. His greatest contribution, however, was enthusiastically locating the beer stop. 

The original beer stop threw us out because they had the outrageous idea of closing their business. Fortunately, no self-respecting Hash ever lets a minor inconvenience like that stand between them and a cold beer, so an alternative watering hole was quickly found. The trail wandered through the quadras, snaked around the university, and eventually spat us back into the Circle, where justice was served in the usual form of lies, abuse, accusations and alcohol. 

This Sunday it's Hash N+343, hared by Calcoholic, our resident racist. Not that kind of racist... we mean he's ridiculously fast and spends his weekends voluntarily running marathons instead of drinking like a normal human being. 

Our start is at Orla Ponte JK, near the JK Bridge. Where will the trail go? Only Calcoholic knows... and judging by his running addiction, probably much further than anyone asked for. Expect a proper runners' trail, plenty of opportunities to question your life choices, and hopefully at least one beer stop before anyone collapses.

So stop making excuses like:

"It's too hot."

"It's too cold."

"My wife wants quality time."

"My girlfriend doesn't know about my wife."

"My goldfish has anxiety."

Nobody believes you anyway.

📍 Starting Point

Orla Ponte JK (near the JK Bridge)

🕒 Time

15:00 sharp

(Which means the chalk talk starts whenever the late bastards finally arrive.)

---

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

Distance: Classified information.

Elevation: More than you'd like.

Survival: Not guaranteed

🚶 Walkers

Roughly 6 km of:

·         Following arrows that probably aren't ours.

·         Complaining about the heat.

·         Complaining about the hare.

·         Complaining about the walkers.

·         Inventing shortcuts that are somehow longer.

·         Pretending you're "just keeping a steady pace."

·         Miraculously sniffing out the beer stop.

---

🍻 What to Expect 

🎭 Chalk Talk

Vital instructions delivered by people who have absolutely no idea where they're going.

🍺 Beer Stop

Medical treatment for dehydration... Hash style.

🎉 Circle

Questionable songs.

Dubious accusations.

Public humiliation.

Cold beer.

The perfect Sunday afternoon.

---

🌦️ Forecast

Hot enough to fry an egg on the bonnet of a car... or a lost Hasher.

---

🧳 Bring

·         Sunscreen

·         Beer money

·         A hat (unless you enjoy sunstroke)

·         A sense of humour

·         Whatever dignity you still possess (it won't survive the Circle) 

So dust off your running shoes, stretch absolutely nothing, ignore your doctor, and join the finest collection of alcoholics pretending to be athletes.

Remember...

This isn't exercise.

It's a guided tour of poor decisions...

...with a beer stop.

ON ON! 🍻🐾

 

                             Hash N+342 "UNB Hash"

Sunday, 2nd of August

🍻 HASH N+342 — WE’RE BACK! 🍻 

How time flies… six bloody weeks without Hashing!

First, we cancelled on 5 July because Brazil was playing World Cup football, and nobody was going to choose Hashing over that.

Then came the World Cup Final: Spain vs Argentina. Most of us backed Spain, except a few suspicious characters supporting that country which became rather popular with certain Germans looking for a fresh start after 1945. 

Fate prevailed. Argentina lost, tears flowed, and now that the football is finally over, we can get back to something far more important:

DRINKING BEER IN THE BUSH! 

🐇 Hares: Union Jack-Off & I Like Sausage are setting trail together again. They’re a frisky couple, so we won’t ask what happens while they’re alone in the bush with a bag of white powder. 

What happens at the Hash, stays at the Hash.

📍 Start: Parking lot at PISAC — Parque de Inovação e Sustentabilidade do Ambiente Construído, UnB, Asa Norte. 

🐍 Trail: Bush, hills, water crossings and bad decisions. This one could have it all.

🏃 Runners: Maybe we’ll have some this time.

🚶 Walkers: About 5 km of Instagram stroll—minus the filters, plus sweat and an identity crisis. 

🍺 Beer Stop: Where hydration and alcoholism briefly become the same thing. 

🎉 Circle: Bad singing, public humiliation and beer warm enough to qualify as soup. 

🌦️ Weather: Hotter than Lucifer’s bidet. Maybe rain. Who knows? It’s Brasília. 

So dust off your Hash shoes, wake up your liver and bring whatever dignity you’re prepared to lose. 

Six weeks was long enough. Time to Hash again! 

ON ON, YOU MAGNIFICENT DISASTERS! 🍻🔥💀

 

                              Hash N+342 Moved to

Sunday, 19th of July

🐰🍺 ON-ON BH3!

Due to Brazil's World Cup match kicking off at 17:00, we've made the only sensible decision...

Hash N+342 has been moved to Sunday, 19 July!

Let's face it—if we kept the original date, we'd probably be hashing alone while everyone else was glued to the football. ⚽😂

So enjoy cheering for Brazil, have a few beers, and then join us on 19 July for an even better Hash!

New date: 📅 Sunday, 19 July

🍺 Bring your thirst.

👟 Bring your running shoes.

🐰 Bring your Hash spirit!

Football may be more important than the Hash for one day... but the beer circle is forever!

ON-ON! 🍻

                     Hash N+341 "Virgin Hare's Hash"

Sunday, 21st of June

🍻🐾 Welcome to Hash N+341

Last week’s Hash kicked off at Praça dos Orixás and delivered culture, bridge crossings, Pontão, Lago Sul, a beer stop, and a Circle competing with enough drumming to summon ancient spirits. It was also Just Mike’s final Brasília Hash, so we gave him the traditional flour-based send-off. Huge thanks to Just Nick and Just Sienna for volunteering to hare this week's disaster.

This time we're heading to Praça Comunitária do Taquari in Lago Norte. Never heard of it? Neither have most of us. Fortunately, Just Nick and Just Sienna live there and claim it's worth seeing. We'll be the judges of that.

Starting Time: 15:00 sharp

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

Distance: Unknown.

Survival: Optional.

🚶 Walkers

About 6 km of:

• Getting lost

• Blaming the hares

• Blaming each other

• Taking "shortcuts" that aren't

• Questioning life choices

• Somehow finding the beer stop anyway

🍻 What to Expect

🎭 Chalk Talk

Important information delivered by people who barely understand it themselves.

🍺 Beer Stop

The point where your legs quit and your liver takes over.

🎉 Circle

Terrible singing, recycled accusations, public humiliation, and beer. Nobody leaves with dignity.

🌦️ Forecast

Hot enough to cook a hasher on the bonnet of a car.

🧳 Bring

• Sunscreen

• Beer money

• A sense of humour

• Whatever remains of your dignity

So lace up your running shoes, lower your expectations, and join the rest of the degenerates for another afternoon of poor decisions.

Remember:

This isn't exercise.

It's a moving disaster...

with a beer stop.

On On! 🍻🐾

                    Hash N+340 "Praça dos Orixás Hash"

Sunday, 7th of June

🍻🐾 Welcome to Hash N+340: The Praça dos Orixás Edition 🐾🍻

After last week's adventures at PISAC, where some Hashers discovered innovation, sustainability, and several previously unknown muscle groups, we now head to one of Brasília's most iconic lakeside locations.

This week we gather at Praça dos Orixás, where the waters of Lake Paranoá meet spirituality, fishermen, capybaras, and confused Hashers wandering in circles looking for flour.

What could possibly go wrong?

---

🐾 The Hare

This week's perpetrator:

Sperm Bank

Now, Sperm Bank has promised a beautiful trail with stunning lake views, easy terrain, and plenty of cold beer at the end.

Which, of course, means you should prepare for:

• Flour hidden with military precision

• Checks that lead nowhere

• Hills that somehow appear in one of the flattest parts of Brasília

• At least one section involving "shortcuts" that are neither short nor cuts

• A spiritual journey of self-discovery

• A close encounter with an angry fisherman

• And the traditional pack cry of:

"FOR F*CK'S SAKE, SPERM BANK!"

🌊 Local Wildlife Advisory

The committee reminds all participants that:

• Capybaras have right of way.

• Fishermen do not appreciate being used as trail markers.

• Offerings left for the Orixás are NOT Hash snacks.

• Swimming across the lake is not considered a shortcut.

• If you see a mermaid, you've either found the beer stop or become severely dehydrated.

---

🔮 Spiritual Forecast

The Orixás predict:

🔹 80% chance of confusion

🔹 60% chance of unnecessary checks

🔹 40% chance of somebody ending up in a completely different RA

🔹 100% chance of beer

---

Whether you're a runner, walker, crawler, religious scholar, amateur fisherman, capybara enthusiast, or simply a thirsty alcoholic with occasional sporting tendencies, come join us for another unforgettable evening by the lake.

Bring your running shoes, bring your sense of humour, and bring your forgiveness because by the end of the trail, you'll need all three.

 

ON ON! 🍻🐾

---

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

No idea.

Good luck.

Bring a will.

🚶 Walkers

Approximately 6 km of premium disappointment featuring:

·         Getting lost

·         Blaming the hares

·         Blaming each other

·         Pretending you “know a shortcut”

·         Deep reflection on poor life choices

·         Miraculously finding the beer stop anyway

---

🍻 What to Expect

🎭 Chalk Talk

Like a TED Talk…

…if TED was drunk, sunburnt, and confidently incorrect.

🍺 Beer Stop

That magical moment when:

·         your legs stop functioning,

·         your brain gives up,

·         but your liver proudly steps forward and says: “Don’t worry boys, I’ll carry us from here.”

🎉 Circle

The sacred Hash ritual consisting of:

·         terrible singing,

·         offensive jokes,

·         public humiliation,

·         recycled accusations,

·         and beer of suspicious legal status.

Nobody leaves with dignity.

Some barely leave conscious.

---

🌦 Forecast

Expected weather conditions:

☀️ “Surface of the Sun”

Hot.

Sweaty.

Sticky.

Regrettable.

Hydration is encouraged but will mostly be replaced with beer.

---

🧳 What to Bring

·         Sunscreen strong enough for nuclear fallout

·         No rain gear — dry season has arrived

·         A sense of humour (mandatory)

·         Your dignity (temporary and unnecessary)

·         Cash / beer money / emergency taxi funds

·         Possibly a rescue flare

---

So lace up your worst decisions, ignore basic survival instincts, and come suffer with the rest of the degenerates.

Because remember:

This is not exercise.

It’s a travelling catastrophe…

…with a beer stop.

On On! 🍻🐾