Hash N+337 "Zoo Hash"

Sunday, 26th of April

Upcoming Hash N+337 – Brasilia Zoo Hash

After the absolute disaster that was Hash N+336 — dragging your sorry carcasses through quadras and the Asa Sul metro like confused pigeons — it’s time to lower the bar even further.

Welcome to Hash N+337: Safari Edition.

Yes, you read that right, you bunch of degenerates. This time we’re invading the Brasília Zoo, because nothing says “quality life choices” like mixing wild animals with hungover Hashers.

Prepare yourselves for an educational experience — meaning your hares, Sperm Bank and Opulence, will confidently explain complete nonsense about animals they’ve clearly just made up on the spot.

And judging by their trail-setting skills… expect confusion, betrayal, and at least one moment where you question your will to live.

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Of course, the holy trinity remains:

·         Chalk Talk (lies, presented loudly as facts)

·         Beer Stop (our only real belief system)

·         Circle (where dignity goes to die)

Because tradition must survive… even if your knees, liver, and reputation don’t.

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So drag yourself off the couch, ignore your better judgment (as usual), and come be part of a day that will definitely feel like a mistake… until the third beer.

On On! 🍀

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📍 Start

Main gate at Brasília Zoo

🐒 Trail

We head straight into safari mode. Try not to get adopted by the animals.

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🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

Adorable. No.

Sit down, shut up, and have a beer, hero.

🚶 Walkers

Around 5 km of premium suffering — featuring:

·         getting lost

·         blaming the hares

·         blaming each other

·         existential crisis

·         and finally… salvation in liquid form at the beer stop

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🍻 What to Expect (Besides Poor Decisions)

🎭 Chalk Talk

Like a TED Talk…

if TED was drunk, clueless, and aggressively wrong.

🍺 Beer Stop

That beautiful moment when your legs quit…

but your liver steps up like a champion.

🎉 Circle

A sacred ritual involving:

·         terrible singing

·         worse jokes

·         public humiliation

·         and beer of questionable legal classification

---

🌦 Forecast

Expect conditions ranging from:

·         “surface of the sun”

to

·         “build the ark”

So basically: hot, sweaty, and slightly concerning.

---

🧳 Packing List

Bring:

·         Sunscreen strong enough to survive nuclear fallout

·         Rain gear / portable dignity shield

·         A sense of humor (mandatory)

·         Your dignity (optional — it won’t last)

·         Cash / beer money / survival fund

---

So lace up your worst decisions, hydrate like you pretend to care about yourself, and come suffer gloriously.

Because remember:

This is not exercise.

It’s a moving disaster with beer.

On On, you magnificent idiots! 🍻🐾

                        Hash N+336 "Asa Sul Hash"

Sunday, 12th of April

Upcoming Hash N+336 – Asa Sul Hash

After the glorious disaster that was Hash N+335 — where the hares lovingly set trail only to end up hashing it themselves like two abandoned idiots in the wilderness — it’s time for Hash N+336.

This week we invade Asa Sul, the natural habitat and backyard of I Love Sausage, with Union Jack-Off bravely assisting in trail-setting duties and praying to the beer gods that more useless wankers actually show up this time.

Asa Sul offers a fine selection of questionable trails, dubious shortcuts, and beer stop possibilities that may or may not exist by the time we get there. Best of all, the trail will be mostly flat, which means it’s stroller-friendly, walker-friendly, and even hangover-friendly (within reason).

Yes, yes… there’ll be:

·         Chalk Talk (fiction presented as fact)

·         A Beer Stop (our one true religion)

·         A Circle (public humiliation with beverages) 

Because tradition, unlike your knees, must survive.

So peel yourself off the couch, ignore every sensible life choice you’ve ever made, and come help turn this into the kind of terrible memory we’ll all pretend was brilliant.

On On! 🍀

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📍 Start

SQS 406, Bloco K

🐍 Trail

From this starting point… trail could go absolutely anywhere.

Probably nowhere useful.

Almost certainly not home.

---

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

Cute. No.

Sit down, shut up, and have a beer, champion.

🚶 Walkers

Roughly 5 km of “character building” — which in Hash terms means:

sweating, swearing, bad navigation, minor betrayal, and questioning your life choices…

…until the beer stop appears and suddenly everything is beautiful again.

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Regret)

🎭 Chalk Talk

Like a TED Talk…

if TED was drunk, deeply confused, and holding the map upside down.

🍺 Beer Stop

That magical moment when your legs stop functioning,

but your soul remembers why you came.

🎉 Circle

A sacred ceremony involving:

·         bad singing

·         worse jokes

·         public roasting

·         and drinking something that legally may still count as beer

---

🌦 Forecast

Expect weather somewhere between:

“surface of the sun”

and

“Noah, get the boat.”

So yes, it’ll probably be hot, sweaty, and suspiciously wet.

---

🧳 Packing List

Please bring:

·         Sunscreen strong enough for nuclear exposure

·         Raincoat / portable shame shield

·         A sense of humor (mandatory)

·         Your dignity (optional, but it won’t survive anyway)

·         Cash / beer money / emotional support beverage fund

---

So lace up your bad decision shoes, hydrate like a functioning adult for once, and come suffer gloriously in the name of tradition.

Because remember:

This is not exercise.

It’s a mobile catastrophe with beer.

On On, you magnificent wanks! 🍻🐾

                   Hash N+335 "University Hash"

Sunday, 29th of March

Upcoming Hash N+335 – University Hash 🎓🍻

Right, you pack of degenerates… it’s time to relive your glorious university days, questionable decisions, excessive drinking, and that one guy who claims he actually studied.

Hash N+335 is dragging your sorry selves to UNB in Asa Norte, where the trails are as endless as your bad life choices and twice as confusing.

Since absolutely no one stepped up (even after light threats of violence and mild bribery), Opulence has “volunteered” to hare. And knowing his talent for creative suffering, expect a trail that’s equal parts genius, chaos, and “why the hell am I in this bush?”

Yes, yes, there’ll be chalk talk (lies), a beer stop (survival), and a Circle (public disgrace). Tradition must be upheld, after all.

So get off your couch, ignore your better judgment, and come make this one a properly regrettable memory.

On On! 🍀

---

📍 Start

Main parking lot at UNB – Asa Norte

🐍 Trail

From this starting point… could go anywhere. Probably nowhere useful. Definitely not home.

---

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners:

Adorable. No. Sit down and have a beer, hero.

🚶 Walkers:

~5 km of “character building.” Which is Hash code for sweating, swearing, and questioning your existence, until the beer appears and suddenly life has meaning again.

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Regret)

🎭 Chalk Talk – Like a TED Talk, but drunk, inaccurate, and delivered by someone who can’t read their own map.

🍺 Beer Stop – That magical moment when your legs stop working but your spirit rises.

🎉 Circle – Singing badly, standing awkwardly, and being publicly roasted while drinking something that may or may not still qualify as beer.

---

🌦 Forecast

Hotter than Satan’s sauna, with a solid chance of biblical rain just to keep things interesting.

---

🧳 Packing List

• Sunscreen rated for the surface of the sun

• Raincoat / portable shame shield

• A sense of humor (mandatory)

• Your dignity (optional, will be destroyed anyway)

---

So lace up your “bad decision” shoes, hydrate like a responsible adult (for once), and come suffer in the name of tradition.

Remember: this isn’t exercise. It’s a moving disaster with beer.

On On, you glorious idiots! 🍻🐾

 

              Hash N+334 "St. Patrick's Day Hash"

Sunday, 15th of March

Upcoming Hash N+334 – St. Patrick’s Day Hash

Well, Hash N+334 is coming up, perfectly timed two days before St. Patrick’s Day—because nothing says “Irish celebration” like getting lost on a questionable trail with questionable people and questionable decisions. 🍀🍺

Our brave (or possibly confused) hares, Union Jack-Off and Just Richard, have heroically stepped forward to set trail. And by “stepped forward,” we mean they volunteered before anyone could stop them. So prepare yourselves… the trail will almost certainly be as shitty as their sense of direction.

The run will start at the park at SQN 216, Bloco B, at the far end of Asa Norte. And anyone who knows Richard knows he lives there, which means this trail will be a guided tour of exactly how shitty this part of the city can be. Expect wrong turns, suspicious flour marks, and at least one moment where you question your life choices.

But since it’s our St. Patrick’s Day Hash, you can safely assume there will be plenty of beer to help you forget the trail afterward. 🍻

So come out, wear something green, follow the flour (or don’t), and join us for another gloriously terrible Hash.

On On! 🍀

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📍 Start

Park at SQN216, Bloco B in Asa Norte

🐍 Trail

From this starting point… absolutely anywhere and nowhere at once.

---

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners:

LOL. No. Sit down, champion. This is not your day.

🚶 Walkers:

~5 km of scenic suffering, like a relaxing stroll, except it’s hot, confusing, slightly traumatic, and ends in beer.

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Poor Decisions)

🎭 Chalk Talk – Like a TED Talk, but drunk, badly organized, and mostly lies.

🍺 Beer Stop – The exact moment your liver starts drafting its resignation letter.

🎉 Circle – Public humiliation, off-key chanting, and beer so warm it qualifies as soup.

---

🌦 Forecast

Hotter than Lucifer’s bidet, with a strong chance of “oh for f*ck’s sake, rain again.”

---

🧳 Packing List

• Sunscreen strong enough to survive nuclear war

• Raincoat / human condom (Brazilian summer edition)

• A sense of humor

• Any remaining dignity (it will die in Circle)

---

So lace up your shame-proof shoes, hydrate like it’s your religion, and come suffer gloriously with us.

This isn’t a run. It’s group therapy with beer, heckling, and occasional accidental nudity.

On On, you magnificent disasters! 🍻🐾

 

 

                     Hash N+333 "City Park Hash"

Sunday, 1st of March

Upcoming Hash N+333 – City Park Hash

Well, somehow it’s already March. Time really flies when we’re drinking beer and pretending we’re athletic.

Which means it’s time for Hash N+333 — exactly half of 666, the number of the devil. Coincidence? We think not. Bring your halos… or your horns.

We’ll be starting at Parking Lot 9 in Parque da Cidade Sarah Kubitschek — yes, that parking lot. Traditionally a questionable choice, which usually guarantees a properly questionable trail. Expectations are low, standards are lower.

Your brave (or reckless) hares, Sperm Bank and Opulence, have once again stepped forward to lay trail. What could possibly go wrong?

Parque da Cidade Sarah Kubitschek offers a great variety of trails — from scenic and pleasant to “why are we in this bush?” — so there should be something for everyone.

So come along, embrace the chaos, and help make Hash N+333 one for the history books… or at least one we’ll vaguely remember. On on!

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📍 Start

Parking lot 9 in Parque da Cidade Sarah Kubitschek

🐍 Trail

From this starting point… absolutely anywhere and nowhere at once.

---

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners:

LOL. No. Sit down, champion. This is not your day.

🚶 Walkers:

~5 km of scenic suffering — like a relaxing stroll, except it’s hot, confusing, slightly traumatic, and ends in beer.

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Poor Decisions)

🎭 Chalk Talk – Like a TED Talk, but drunk, badly organized, and mostly lies.

🍺 Beer Stop – The exact moment your liver starts drafting its resignation letter.

🎉 Circle – Public humiliation, off-key chanting, and beer so warm it qualifies as soup.

---

🌦 Forecast

Hotter than Lucifer’s bidet, with a strong chance of “oh for f*ck’s sake, rain again.”

---

🧳 Packing List

• Sunscreen strong enough to survive nuclear war

• Raincoat / human condom (Brazilian summer edition)

• A sense of humor

• Any remaining dignity (it will die in Circle)

---

So lace up your shame-proof shoes, hydrate like it’s your religion, and come suffer gloriously with us.

This isn’t a run. It’s group therapy with beer, heckling, and occasional accidental nudity.

On On, you magnificent disasters! 🍻🐾