Hash N+340 "Praça dos Orixás Hash"

Sunday, 7th of June

🍻🐾 Welcome to Hash N+340: The Praça dos Orixás Edition 🐾🍻

After last week's adventures at PISAC, where some Hashers discovered innovation, sustainability, and several previously unknown muscle groups, we now head to one of Brasília's most iconic lakeside locations.

This week we gather at Praça dos Orixás, where the waters of Lake Paranoá meet spirituality, fishermen, capybaras, and confused Hashers wandering in circles looking for flour.

What could possibly go wrong?

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🐾 The Hare

This week's perpetrator:

Sperm Bank

Now, Sperm Bank has promised a beautiful trail with stunning lake views, easy terrain, and plenty of cold beer at the end.

Which, of course, means you should prepare for:

• Flour hidden with military precision

• Checks that lead nowhere

• Hills that somehow appear in one of the flattest parts of Brasília

• At least one section involving "shortcuts" that are neither short nor cuts

• A spiritual journey of self-discovery

• A close encounter with an angry fisherman

• And the traditional pack cry of:

"FOR F*CK'S SAKE, SPERM BANK!"

🌊 Local Wildlife Advisory

The committee reminds all participants that:

• Capybaras have right of way.

• Fishermen do not appreciate being used as trail markers.

• Offerings left for the Orixás are NOT Hash snacks.

• Swimming across the lake is not considered a shortcut.

• If you see a mermaid, you've either found the beer stop or become severely dehydrated.

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🔮 Spiritual Forecast

The Orixás predict:

🔹 80% chance of confusion

🔹 60% chance of unnecessary checks

🔹 40% chance of somebody ending up in a completely different RA

🔹 100% chance of beer

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Whether you're a runner, walker, crawler, religious scholar, amateur fisherman, capybara enthusiast, or simply a thirsty alcoholic with occasional sporting tendencies, come join us for another unforgettable evening by the lake.

Bring your running shoes, bring your sense of humour, and bring your forgiveness because by the end of the trail, you'll need all three.

 

ON ON! 🍻🐾

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🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

No idea.

Good luck.

Bring a will.

🚶 Walkers

Approximately 6 km of premium disappointment featuring:

·         Getting lost

·         Blaming the hares

·         Blaming each other

·         Pretending you “know a shortcut”

·         Deep reflection on poor life choices

·         Miraculously finding the beer stop anyway

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🍻 What to Expect

🎭 Chalk Talk

Like a TED Talk…

…if TED was drunk, sunburnt, and confidently incorrect.

🍺 Beer Stop

That magical moment when:

·         your legs stop functioning,

·         your brain gives up,

·         but your liver proudly steps forward and says: “Don’t worry boys, I’ll carry us from here.”

🎉 Circle

The sacred Hash ritual consisting of:

·         terrible singing,

·         offensive jokes,

·         public humiliation,

·         recycled accusations,

·         and beer of suspicious legal status.

Nobody leaves with dignity.

Some barely leave conscious.

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🌦 Forecast

Expected weather conditions:

☀️ “Surface of the Sun”

Hot.

Sweaty.

Sticky.

Regrettable.

Hydration is encouraged but will mostly be replaced with beer.

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🧳 What to Bring

·         Sunscreen strong enough for nuclear fallout

·         No rain gear — dry season has arrived

·         A sense of humour (mandatory)

·         Your dignity (temporary and unnecessary)

·         Cash / beer money / emergency taxi funds

·         Possibly a rescue flare

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So lace up your worst decisions, ignore basic survival instincts, and come suffer with the rest of the degenerates.

Because remember:

This is not exercise.

It’s a travelling catastrophe…

…with a beer stop.

On On! 🍻🐾

 

                        Hash N+338 "Farewell Hash"

Sunday, 10th of May

Welcome to Hash N+338: The Farewell Shitshow Edition

After the legendary Zoo Hash, a historic 4.5 km that somehow took two bloody hours (a new BH3 record in inefficiency), we now face a much darker moment…

Hash N+338 will be a sad one.

After 4 years of questionable life choices with BH3, Wine Rack is abandoning us for “better shores.” Apparently Brasília has broken her, and her husband Bruno, in a last-ditch effort to save his marriage, is dragging her off to Geneva.

Yes, Geneva.

Where the people are famously wild, spontaneous, and party like there’s no tomorrow…

…NOT.

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🐾 The Hares

This disaster will be led by Just Mike and Opulence.

Yes, our desperate call for volunteers was only half successful — but credit where it’s due: Just Mike has stepped up for his first-ever hare. Pray for us.

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📍 Start Location

Road entrance to SQN 306, Asa Norte — Wine Rack’s home turf.

Convenient, because after all the tears, hugs, and emotional damage, she’ll need immediate access to a shower.

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💔 The Mission

This is your last chance to properly tell Wine Rack to fuck off before she escapes the country the next day.

So show up.

Do it properly.

Send her off in true BH3 style.

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🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

No.

Sit down. Shut up. Have a beer.

🚶 Walkers

~5 km of premium suffering featuring:

• Getting lost

• Blaming the hares

• Blaming each other

• Questioning your life choices

• Eventual salvation at the beer stop

---

🍻 What to Expect

🎭 Chalk Talk

Like a TED Talk…

if TED was drunk, confused, and aggressively wrong.

🍺 Beer Stop

When your legs give up…

but your liver says: “I got this.”

🎉 Circle

A sacred ceremony of:

• Awful singing

• Even worse jokes

• Public humiliation

• Beer of legally questionable origin

---

🌦 Forecast

Expect:

• “Surface of the sun” conditions. Hot. Sweaty. Regrettable.

---

🧳 What to Bring

• Sunscreen strong enough to survive nuclear war

• No rain gear — dry season is here

• A sense of humor (mandatory)

• Your dignity (optional, and temporary)

• Cash / beer money / emergency survival funds

---

So lace up your worst decisions, pretend to hydrate responsibly, and come suffer like the legend you think you are.

Because remember:

This is not exercise.

It’s a moving disaster… with beer.

---

On On! 🍻🐾

 

                           Hash N+337 "Zoo Hash"

Sunday, 26th of April

Upcoming Hash N+337 – Brasilia Zoo Hash

After the absolute disaster that was Hash N+336 — dragging your sorry carcasses through quadras and the Asa Sul metro like confused pigeons — it’s time to lower the bar even further.

Welcome to Hash N+337: Safari Edition.

Yes, you read that right, you bunch of degenerates. This time we’re invading the Brasília Zoo, because nothing says “quality life choices” like mixing wild animals with hungover Hashers.

Prepare yourselves for an educational experience — meaning your hares, Sperm Bank and Opulence, will confidently explain complete nonsense about animals they’ve clearly just made up on the spot.

And judging by their trail-setting skills… expect confusion, betrayal, and at least one moment where you question your will to live.

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Of course, the holy trinity remains:

·         Chalk Talk (lies, presented loudly as facts)

·         Beer Stop (our only real belief system)

·         Circle (where dignity goes to die)

Because tradition must survive… even if your knees, liver, and reputation don’t.

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So drag yourself off the couch, ignore your better judgment (as usual), and come be part of a day that will definitely feel like a mistake… until the third beer.

On On! 🍀

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📍 Start

Main gate at Brasília Zoo

🐒 Trail

We head straight into safari mode. Try not to get adopted by the animals.

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🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

Adorable. No.

Sit down, shut up, and have a beer, hero.

🚶 Walkers

Around 5 km of premium suffering — featuring:

·         getting lost

·         blaming the hares

·         blaming each other

·         existential crisis

·         and finally… salvation in liquid form at the beer stop

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Poor Decisions)

🎭 Chalk Talk

Like a TED Talk…

if TED was drunk, clueless, and aggressively wrong.

🍺 Beer Stop

That beautiful moment when your legs quit…

but your liver steps up like a champion.

🎉 Circle

A sacred ritual involving:

·         terrible singing

·         worse jokes

·         public humiliation

·         and beer of questionable legal classification

---

🌦 Forecast

Expect conditions ranging from:

·         “surface of the sun”

to

·         “build the ark”

So basically: hot, sweaty, and slightly concerning.

---

🧳 Packing List

Bring:

·         Sunscreen strong enough to survive nuclear fallout

·         Rain gear / portable dignity shield

·         A sense of humor (mandatory)

·         Your dignity (optional — it won’t last)

·         Cash / beer money / survival fund

---

So lace up your worst decisions, hydrate like you pretend to care about yourself, and come suffer gloriously.

Because remember:

This is not exercise.

It’s a moving disaster with beer.

On On, you magnificent idiots! 🍻🐾

                        Hash N+336 "Asa Sul Hash"

Sunday, 12th of April

Upcoming Hash N+336 – Asa Sul Hash

After the glorious disaster that was Hash N+335 — where the hares lovingly set trail only to end up hashing it themselves like two abandoned idiots in the wilderness — it’s time for Hash N+336.

This week we invade Asa Sul, the natural habitat and backyard of I Love Sausage, with Union Jack-Off bravely assisting in trail-setting duties and praying to the beer gods that more useless wankers actually show up this time.

Asa Sul offers a fine selection of questionable trails, dubious shortcuts, and beer stop possibilities that may or may not exist by the time we get there. Best of all, the trail will be mostly flat, which means it’s stroller-friendly, walker-friendly, and even hangover-friendly (within reason).

Yes, yes… there’ll be:

·         Chalk Talk (fiction presented as fact)

·         A Beer Stop (our one true religion)

·         A Circle (public humiliation with beverages) 

Because tradition, unlike your knees, must survive.

So peel yourself off the couch, ignore every sensible life choice you’ve ever made, and come help turn this into the kind of terrible memory we’ll all pretend was brilliant.

On On! 🍀

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📍 Start

SQS 406, Bloco K

🐍 Trail

From this starting point… trail could go absolutely anywhere.

Probably nowhere useful.

Almost certainly not home.

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🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

Cute. No.

Sit down, shut up, and have a beer, champion.

🚶 Walkers

Roughly 5 km of “character building” — which in Hash terms means:

sweating, swearing, bad navigation, minor betrayal, and questioning your life choices…

…until the beer stop appears and suddenly everything is beautiful again.

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🍻 What to Expect (Besides Regret)

🎭 Chalk Talk

Like a TED Talk…

if TED was drunk, deeply confused, and holding the map upside down.

🍺 Beer Stop

That magical moment when your legs stop functioning,

but your soul remembers why you came.

🎉 Circle

A sacred ceremony involving:

·         bad singing

·         worse jokes

·         public roasting

·         and drinking something that legally may still count as beer

---

🌦 Forecast

Expect weather somewhere between:

“surface of the sun”

and

“Noah, get the boat.”

So yes, it’ll probably be hot, sweaty, and suspiciously wet.

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🧳 Packing List

Please bring:

·         Sunscreen strong enough for nuclear exposure

·         Raincoat / portable shame shield

·         A sense of humor (mandatory)

·         Your dignity (optional, but it won’t survive anyway)

·         Cash / beer money / emotional support beverage fund

---

So lace up your bad decision shoes, hydrate like a functioning adult for once, and come suffer gloriously in the name of tradition.

Because remember:

This is not exercise.

It’s a mobile catastrophe with beer.

On On, you magnificent wanks! 🍻🐾