Hash N+343 "JK Bridge Hash"

Sunday, 16th of August

 🍻🐾 Welcome to Brasília Hash N+343 🍻🐾

Well, the bloody World Cup is finally over, and Hash N+342 dragged us kicking and screaming back into the only sport that really matters... drinking beer after pretending to exercise. 

The trail marked the glorious debut of Just Phil as a hare, under the "expert" supervision of Union Jack-Off. Did the Canuck pass his hare test? Well... according to Union Jack-Off, Just Phil successfully managed to mark a handful of arrows and even one lonely check. A proud achievement indeed. His greatest contribution, however, was enthusiastically locating the beer stop. 

The original beer stop threw us out because they had the outrageous idea of closing their business. Fortunately, no self-respecting Hash ever lets a minor inconvenience like that stand between them and a cold beer, so an alternative watering hole was quickly found. The trail wandered through the quadras, snaked around the university, and eventually spat us back into the Circle, where justice was served in the usual form of lies, abuse, accusations and alcohol. 

This Sunday it's Hash N+343, hared by Calcoholic, our resident racist. Not that kind of racist... we mean he's ridiculously fast and spends his weekends voluntarily running marathons instead of drinking like a normal human being. 

Our start is at Orla Ponte JK, near the JK Bridge. Where will the trail go? Only Calcoholic knows... and judging by his running addiction, probably much further than anyone asked for. Expect a proper runners' trail, plenty of opportunities to question your life choices, and hopefully at least one beer stop before anyone collapses.

So stop making excuses like:

"It's too hot."

"It's too cold."

"My wife wants quality time."

"My girlfriend doesn't know about my wife."

"My goldfish has anxiety."

Nobody believes you anyway.

📍 Starting Point

Orla Ponte JK (near the JK Bridge)

🕒 Time

15:00 sharp

(Which means the chalk talk starts whenever the late bastards finally arrive.)

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🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

Distance: Classified information.

Elevation: More than you'd like.

Survival: Not guaranteed

🚶 Walkers

Roughly 6 km of:

·         Following arrows that probably aren't ours.

·         Complaining about the heat.

·         Complaining about the hare.

·         Complaining about the walkers.

·         Inventing shortcuts that are somehow longer.

·         Pretending you're "just keeping a steady pace."

·         Miraculously sniffing out the beer stop.

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🍻 What to Expect 

🎭 Chalk Talk

Vital instructions delivered by people who have absolutely no idea where they're going.

🍺 Beer Stop

Medical treatment for dehydration... Hash style.

🎉 Circle

Questionable songs.

Dubious accusations.

Public humiliation.

Cold beer.

The perfect Sunday afternoon.

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🌦️ Forecast

Hot enough to fry an egg on the bonnet of a car... or a lost Hasher.

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🧳 Bring

·         Sunscreen

·         Beer money

·         A hat (unless you enjoy sunstroke)

·         A sense of humour

·         Whatever dignity you still possess (it won't survive the Circle) 

So dust off your running shoes, stretch absolutely nothing, ignore your doctor, and join the finest collection of alcoholics pretending to be athletes.

Remember...

This isn't exercise.

It's a guided tour of poor decisions...

...with a beer stop.

ON ON! 🍻🐾

 

                             Hash N+342 "UNB Hash"

Sunday, 2nd of August

🍻 HASH N+342 — WE’RE BACK! 🍻 

How time flies… six bloody weeks without Hashing!

First, we cancelled on 5 July because Brazil was playing World Cup football, and nobody was going to choose Hashing over that.

Then came the World Cup Final: Spain vs Argentina. Most of us backed Spain, except a few suspicious characters supporting that country which became rather popular with certain Germans looking for a fresh start after 1945. 

Fate prevailed. Argentina lost, tears flowed, and now that the football is finally over, we can get back to something far more important:

DRINKING BEER IN THE BUSH! 

🐇 Hares: Union Jack-Off & I Like Sausage are setting trail together again. They’re a frisky couple, so we won’t ask what happens while they’re alone in the bush with a bag of white powder. 

What happens at the Hash, stays at the Hash.

📍 Start: Parking lot at PISAC — Parque de Inovação e Sustentabilidade do Ambiente Construído, UnB, Asa Norte. 

🐍 Trail: Bush, hills, water crossings and bad decisions. This one could have it all.

🏃 Runners: Maybe we’ll have some this time.

🚶 Walkers: About 5 km of Instagram stroll—minus the filters, plus sweat and an identity crisis. 

🍺 Beer Stop: Where hydration and alcoholism briefly become the same thing. 

🎉 Circle: Bad singing, public humiliation and beer warm enough to qualify as soup. 

🌦️ Weather: Hotter than Lucifer’s bidet. Maybe rain. Who knows? It’s Brasília. 

So dust off your Hash shoes, wake up your liver and bring whatever dignity you’re prepared to lose. 

Six weeks was long enough. Time to Hash again! 

ON ON, YOU MAGNIFICENT DISASTERS! 🍻🔥💀

 

                              Hash N+342 Moved to

Sunday, 19th of July

🐰🍺 ON-ON BH3!

Due to Brazil's World Cup match kicking off at 17:00, we've made the only sensible decision...

Hash N+342 has been moved to Sunday, 19 July!

Let's face it—if we kept the original date, we'd probably be hashing alone while everyone else was glued to the football. ⚽😂

So enjoy cheering for Brazil, have a few beers, and then join us on 19 July for an even better Hash!

New date: 📅 Sunday, 19 July

🍺 Bring your thirst.

👟 Bring your running shoes.

🐰 Bring your Hash spirit!

Football may be more important than the Hash for one day... but the beer circle is forever!

ON-ON! 🍻

                     Hash N+341 "Virgin Hare's Hash"

Sunday, 21st of June

🍻🐾 Welcome to Hash N+341

Last week’s Hash kicked off at Praça dos Orixás and delivered culture, bridge crossings, Pontão, Lago Sul, a beer stop, and a Circle competing with enough drumming to summon ancient spirits. It was also Just Mike’s final Brasília Hash, so we gave him the traditional flour-based send-off. Huge thanks to Just Nick and Just Sienna for volunteering to hare this week's disaster.

This time we're heading to Praça Comunitária do Taquari in Lago Norte. Never heard of it? Neither have most of us. Fortunately, Just Nick and Just Sienna live there and claim it's worth seeing. We'll be the judges of that.

Starting Time: 15:00 sharp

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

Distance: Unknown.

Survival: Optional.

🚶 Walkers

About 6 km of:

• Getting lost

• Blaming the hares

• Blaming each other

• Taking "shortcuts" that aren't

• Questioning life choices

• Somehow finding the beer stop anyway

🍻 What to Expect

🎭 Chalk Talk

Important information delivered by people who barely understand it themselves.

🍺 Beer Stop

The point where your legs quit and your liver takes over.

🎉 Circle

Terrible singing, recycled accusations, public humiliation, and beer. Nobody leaves with dignity.

🌦️ Forecast

Hot enough to cook a hasher on the bonnet of a car.

🧳 Bring

• Sunscreen

• Beer money

• A sense of humour

• Whatever remains of your dignity

So lace up your running shoes, lower your expectations, and join the rest of the degenerates for another afternoon of poor decisions.

Remember:

This isn't exercise.

It's a moving disaster...

with a beer stop.

On On! 🍻🐾

                    Hash N+340 "Praça dos Orixás Hash"

Sunday, 7th of June

🍻🐾 Welcome to Hash N+340: The Praça dos Orixás Edition 🐾🍻

After last week's adventures at PISAC, where some Hashers discovered innovation, sustainability, and several previously unknown muscle groups, we now head to one of Brasília's most iconic lakeside locations.

This week we gather at Praça dos Orixás, where the waters of Lake Paranoá meet spirituality, fishermen, capybaras, and confused Hashers wandering in circles looking for flour.

What could possibly go wrong?

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🐾 The Hare

This week's perpetrator:

Sperm Bank

Now, Sperm Bank has promised a beautiful trail with stunning lake views, easy terrain, and plenty of cold beer at the end.

Which, of course, means you should prepare for:

• Flour hidden with military precision

• Checks that lead nowhere

• Hills that somehow appear in one of the flattest parts of Brasília

• At least one section involving "shortcuts" that are neither short nor cuts

• A spiritual journey of self-discovery

• A close encounter with an angry fisherman

• And the traditional pack cry of:

"FOR F*CK'S SAKE, SPERM BANK!"

🌊 Local Wildlife Advisory

The committee reminds all participants that:

• Capybaras have right of way.

• Fishermen do not appreciate being used as trail markers.

• Offerings left for the Orixás are NOT Hash snacks.

• Swimming across the lake is not considered a shortcut.

• If you see a mermaid, you've either found the beer stop or become severely dehydrated.

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🔮 Spiritual Forecast

The Orixás predict:

🔹 80% chance of confusion

🔹 60% chance of unnecessary checks

🔹 40% chance of somebody ending up in a completely different RA

🔹 100% chance of beer

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Whether you're a runner, walker, crawler, religious scholar, amateur fisherman, capybara enthusiast, or simply a thirsty alcoholic with occasional sporting tendencies, come join us for another unforgettable evening by the lake.

Bring your running shoes, bring your sense of humour, and bring your forgiveness because by the end of the trail, you'll need all three.

 

ON ON! 🍻🐾

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🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

No idea.

Good luck.

Bring a will.

🚶 Walkers

Approximately 6 km of premium disappointment featuring:

·         Getting lost

·         Blaming the hares

·         Blaming each other

·         Pretending you “know a shortcut”

·         Deep reflection on poor life choices

·         Miraculously finding the beer stop anyway

---

🍻 What to Expect

🎭 Chalk Talk

Like a TED Talk…

…if TED was drunk, sunburnt, and confidently incorrect.

🍺 Beer Stop

That magical moment when:

·         your legs stop functioning,

·         your brain gives up,

·         but your liver proudly steps forward and says: “Don’t worry boys, I’ll carry us from here.”

🎉 Circle

The sacred Hash ritual consisting of:

·         terrible singing,

·         offensive jokes,

·         public humiliation,

·         recycled accusations,

·         and beer of suspicious legal status.

Nobody leaves with dignity.

Some barely leave conscious.

---

🌦 Forecast

Expected weather conditions:

☀️ “Surface of the Sun”

Hot.

Sweaty.

Sticky.

Regrettable.

Hydration is encouraged but will mostly be replaced with beer.

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🧳 What to Bring

·         Sunscreen strong enough for nuclear fallout

·         No rain gear — dry season has arrived

·         A sense of humour (mandatory)

·         Your dignity (temporary and unnecessary)

·         Cash / beer money / emergency taxi funds

·         Possibly a rescue flare

---

So lace up your worst decisions, ignore basic survival instincts, and come suffer with the rest of the degenerates.

Because remember:

This is not exercise.

It’s a travelling catastrophe…

…with a beer stop.

On On! 🍻🐾

 

                        Hash N+338 "Farewell Hash"

Sunday, 10th of May

Welcome to Hash N+338: The Farewell Shitshow Edition

After the legendary Zoo Hash, a historic 4.5 km that somehow took two bloody hours (a new BH3 record in inefficiency), we now face a much darker moment…

Hash N+338 will be a sad one.

After 4 years of questionable life choices with BH3, Wine Rack is abandoning us for “better shores.” Apparently Brasília has broken her, and her husband Bruno, in a last-ditch effort to save his marriage, is dragging her off to Geneva.

Yes, Geneva.

Where the people are famously wild, spontaneous, and party like there’s no tomorrow…

…NOT.

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🐾 The Hares

This disaster will be led by Just Mike and Opulence.

Yes, our desperate call for volunteers was only half successful — but credit where it’s due: Just Mike has stepped up for his first-ever hare. Pray for us.

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📍 Start Location

Road entrance to SQN 306, Asa Norte — Wine Rack’s home turf.

Convenient, because after all the tears, hugs, and emotional damage, she’ll need immediate access to a shower.

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💔 The Mission

This is your last chance to properly tell Wine Rack to fuck off before she escapes the country the next day.

So show up.

Do it properly.

Send her off in true BH3 style.

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🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners

No.

Sit down. Shut up. Have a beer.

🚶 Walkers

~5 km of premium suffering featuring:

• Getting lost

• Blaming the hares

• Blaming each other

• Questioning your life choices

• Eventual salvation at the beer stop

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🍻 What to Expect

🎭 Chalk Talk

Like a TED Talk…

if TED was drunk, confused, and aggressively wrong.

🍺 Beer Stop

When your legs give up…

but your liver says: “I got this.”

🎉 Circle

A sacred ceremony of:

• Awful singing

• Even worse jokes

• Public humiliation

• Beer of legally questionable origin

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🌦 Forecast

Expect:

• “Surface of the sun” conditions. Hot. Sweaty. Regrettable.

---

🧳 What to Bring

• Sunscreen strong enough to survive nuclear war

• No rain gear — dry season is here

• A sense of humor (mandatory)

• Your dignity (optional, and temporary)

• Cash / beer money / emergency survival funds

---

So lace up your worst decisions, pretend to hydrate responsibly, and come suffer like the legend you think you are.

Because remember:

This is not exercise.

It’s a moving disaster… with beer.

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On On! 🍻🐾