Hash N+322 "Vila Planalto Hash"

Sunday, 31st of August

Relaxa e Goza’s Farewell Hash: A Glorious Mess

Relaxa e Goza’s last romp through Brasília wasn’t exactly the Rio Carnival of Hashes — more like a drunken scavenger hunt with a GPS that kept screaming “recalculating!” But damn, it was fun.

We kicked off at Praça dos Cristais, where Relaxa e Goza, I Lost Myself, and Sperm Bank supposedly “set the trail” the night before. Word on the street (and by “street” we mean bar counter) is that more beer went into the hares than into the coolers. Which explains why the trail had it all: dirt tracks, fence-hopping, dodging traffic like suicidal frogs, and of course, the scenic chaos of Noroeste quadras.

Naturally, Relaxa e Goza got his farewell shirt — the kind of memorabilia that screams “look at me, I used to drink in Brasília!” He was also lovingly baptized in flour, which is Hash-speak for “we’ll miss you, but let’s ruin your laundry one last time.”

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Coming Up: Hash N+322

Next up, Baba and Opulence will try their hand at herding us through the streets of Vila Planalto, starting from the Concha Acústica car park. Expect a chalk talk that will explain marks in a way that leaves you even more confused than before, at least one beer stop to trick your liver into forgiving you, and a circle at the end where dignity goes to die.

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🗺️ The Trail

📍 Start: Parking lot beside Concha Acústica

🏃 Runners: 7–9 km of “Oh crap, this isn’t just a drinking club?”

🚶 Walkers: 5 km of “Influencer walk… but sweaty and feral”

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Regret)

🎭 Chalk Talk – A TED Talk no one asked for

🍺 Beer Stop – Hydration with consequences

🎉 Circle – Come for the roasting, stay for the off-key singing and beer older than some Hashers’ knees

🌦 Weather Forecast

☀ Sun hotter than Satan’s armpit

🧳 Packing List

Sunscreen, a sock you don’t mind saying goodbye to, your liver’s last ounce of fight, and whatever remains of your dignity (you won’t need it).

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So slap on your shame-proof shoes, drag your liver into battle, and help us send Relaxa e Goza off in style.

This isn’t just a trail. It’s free therapy — with beer, heckling, and a sprinkle of public indecency.

On On, you glorious disasters! 🍻🔥💀

                                 Hash N+321 "Farewell Hash"

Sunday, 17th of August

                             “Farewell, Flour & Foolishness: Relaxa e Goza’s Last Stand”

Asa Sul Strikes Again

Apparently, Asa Sul has a monopoly on Hash trails, and Just Richard & Union Jack Off decided to keep the streak alive. They gifted us a mere 7km of quadra-hopping before leading us into the city park, where we heroically circumcised the lake (don’t Google it). Two beer stops later, we staggered back to the starting point - only to be greeted by latecomers who claimed they had “more important things” to do. Really? What could possibly outrank a sweaty beer crawl with questionable people?

All in all: a shitty trail, shitty company… with the added bonus of some “classic” faces making a comeback.

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Coming Up: Hash N+321

Your hares will be Relaxa e Goza, Sperm Bank, and I Lost Myself. Relaxa e Goza—named just two Hashes ago - is already skipping town for another post, proving that Brasilia is just a pit stop for the commitment-phobic.

The start? Parking lot in front of Praça dos Cristais, Asa Norte—aka trail heaven for hares and a mild hell for everyone else. Oh, and while you’re there, wander over to the music shell opposite the start and whisper something weird. (Bonus points if you confuse passing tourists.)

This is Relaxa e Goza’s final Hash in Brasilia, so show up and make it memorable. Translation: pelt him with flour until he regrets ever joining.

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🗺️ The Trail:

📍 Start: Parking lot, Praça dos Cristais, Military Sector, Asa Norte

🏃‍♂️ Runners: 7–9 km of “Wait… this isn’t just a beer club?”

🚶‍♀️ Walkers: 5 km of “Hot girl walk meets swamp creature”

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🍻 What to Expect (Besides Bad Decisions):

🎭 Chalk Talk – Where marks are explained in a way that almost makes sense

🍺 Beer Stop – Hydration, but with hops

🎉 Circle – Come for the abuse, stay for the tone-deaf singing and beer that tastes like nostalgia (and regret)

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🌦 Weather Forecast:

• Sun so hot you could grill a steak mid-trail

• At least one Hasher getting overly intimate with a tree - possibly spiritual, possibly not

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🧳 Packing List:

Sunscreen, a sock you’re ready to sacrifice, liquid courage, and the tiny scrap of dignity you’ve been holding onto. Spoiler: you won’t need it.

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So, lace up those shame-proof shoes, grab your liver by the horns, and come celebrate the short but glorious Hash career of Relaxa e Goza.

It’s not just a trail - it’s group therapy… with beer, yelling, and a slight risk of public indecency.

On On, you magnificent disasters! 🍻🔥💀

                                Hash N+320 "Leo Zodiac Hash"

Sunday, 3rd of August

Hash N+319 – The naming of Just Johnny

Hash N+319 took place deep in the steamy jungles of Asa Sul—okay fine, the civilized end of it—right in Just Johnny’s soon-to-be-former stomping ground. Why? Because our dear Hasher is jetting off to Washington, DC for a year-long Arabic bootcamp so he can yell “Where’s the beer?” in the Middle East with proper pronunciation.

Naturally, he wanted to show off where he's been pretending to live for the last two years (let's be honest, most of us thought he was imaginary). Sadly, the turnout was lighter than a Hash Cash’s wallet after a beer stop—blame the school holidays, not your charisma, Just Johnny.

At exactly 15:15 (yes, the trail started on Brazilian time—miracles do happen), the brave, slightly hungover pack hit the trail. And what a trail it was! We’ve never had so many Hashflashes—Johnny’s clearly angling for a photo album to impress his future Arabic classmates.

After the sacred beer stop (hydration is important, especially when it’s 5% ABV), we formed the Circle and made history. Just Johnny is no more! From this day forward, he shall be known across Hashdom as… Relaxa e Goza. (Go ahead, Google it. We’ll wait. No really—Google it.)

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Up Next: Hash N+320 – The Ambiguously Marked Adventure

We’re staying in Asa Sul, because apparently it’s the new Sodom and Gomorrah of hashing. This time, Just Richard and Union Jackoff are teaming up to lay the trail. These two promise a thrilling mix of cryptic signs, unnecessary detours, and psychological warfare via flour blobs.

🗺️ The Trail:

📍 Start: SQS 305, bloco to be revealed like a reality show twist

🏃‍♂️ Runners: 7–9 km of “Wait, this isn’t just a beer club?”

🚶‍♀️ Walkers: 5 km of “Hot girl walk meets sweaty regret”

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🍻 What to Expect (Besides Questionable Life Choices):

🎭 Chalk Talk: Where we pretend the marks make sense

🍺 Beer Stop: Hydration, but with hops

🎉 Circle: Come for the insults, stay for the off-key singing and flat beer

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🌦 Weather Forecast:

• Sun that could grill a steak mid-trail

• Mud in places that will haunt your dreams

• One Hasher making out with a tree (spiritual or otherwise)

• A trail so twisted even Google Maps swipes left

• Existential crises included free of charge

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🧳 Packing List:

Sunscreen, a sock sacrifice, liquid courage, and whatever dignity you have left. Spoiler: you won’t need it.

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So lace up those shame-proof shoes, grab your liver by the horns, and come celebrate the newly named Relaxa e Goza.

It’s not just a trail—it’s therapy with beer and yelling.

On On, you beautiful weirdos! 🍻🪩🔥💀

                                     Hash N+319 "Naming Hash"

Sunday, 20th of July

Just Johnny’s Final F*ck-Up: The Trail, The Myth, The Naming Ceremony

Hash N+318: Confusion, Virgins, and Franco-Fun in Sudoeste

A small but mighty group of about 10 brave souls staggered into Hash N+318, ready to get sweaty in Sudoeste. Among them were some returners (who clearly hadn’t learned their lesson the first time) and two virgins, including one from France - yes, finally we have baguette representation again! Liberté, égalité, inebriété.

Just Johnny, desperately trying to earn a Hash name before Uncle Sam drags him back to the States, teamed up with I Lost Myself and Sperm Bank to lay a trail that was—how do we put this politely? - magnificent-ish. Equal parts scenic, confusing, and “are we lost or just drunk?”, it was the perfect intro to the labyrinth that is Sudoeste.

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Coming Up Next: 

Hash N+319 – The Naming of Just Johnny

Yes, it’s happening. Just Johnny will hare again, and this time we’re officially naming the poor sod. Nobody knows why he’s so eager to earn a name—maybe he thinks it'll help with airport security - but he will be christened in true Hash fashion.

The start and end point is Praça da Persistência, Asa Sul, conveniently located in Just Johnny’s neighborhood, which means one thing: the trail will almost certainly be absolute crap. But hey, you don’t come for the quality—you come for the chaos.

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🗺️ The Trail

📍 Start: Praça da Persistência, Asa Sul

🏃‍♂️ Runners: 7–9 km of “Cardio? I thought this was a drinking club.”

🚶‍♀️ Walkers: 5 km of "Hot girl walk meets heatstroke."

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🍻 What to Expect (Besides Questionable Life Choices):

🎭 Chalk Talk: Learn the symbols, break the rules, and find out how we still haven’t been banned from public parks.

🍺 Beer Stop: Because electrolytes are just beer molecules in disguise.

🎉 Circle: Our sacred gathering of peer pressure, off-tune chants, creative insults, and warm-ish beer.

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🌦 Weather Forecast:

• Sun so strong, even your shadow gets a sunburn

• Mud in places you'll never emotionally recover from

• At least one Hasher kissing a tree (consensually or not)

• Trail so disorienting, even Google Maps rage-quits

• Includes a free mid-run existential meltdown

🧳 Packing List:

Sunscreen, change of socks, bad decisions, and your lowest standards.

Leave your pride at home—it’ll only slow you down.

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So, grab your running shoes, your drinking liver, and your weirdest self.

Let’s give Just Johnny the name he deserves (or regrets).

It’s not just a trail—it’s the bad decision you didn’t know you were missing.

On On, you glorious degenerates! 🧃💀🪩🍻

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                Hash N+318 "Independence Day Hash"

Sunday, 6th of July

Hash N+318: Just Johnny’s Desperate Dash for a Hash Name (or “How to Bribe the Hash Gods With Sweat and Regret”)

 

After barely surviving Hash N+317 in the wilds of Asa Norte, we now stumble heroically into Sudoeste—a neighborhood so under-hashed it still thinks “trail” means a salad dressing.

📣 Leading the charge is Just Johnny, freshly back from “work trips” (read: tax-deductible holidays) to Peru and Colombia. He’s on a mission:

🏃‍♂️ Hare a few trails

🙏 Impress the Hash elders

🏅 Finally get a Hash name before he flees Brasília forever in August.

He thinks it’s simple.

He is wrong.

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🗺️ The Trail

📍 Start: Parque Bosque do Sudoeste (aka “That park near the other confusing roundabouts”)

🏃‍♂️ Runners: 7–9 km of "Is this exercise or a cry for help?"

🚶‍♀️ Walkers: 5 km of "Cardio + gossip = therapy without the co-pay"

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🍻 What to Expect (Besides Regret and Mild Dehydration):

🎭 Chalk Talk: A quick crash course in markings, rules, and why no one has called the police on us yet.

🍺 Beer Stop: Because you’re not sweating, you’re releasing toxins with hops.

🎉 Circle: Our weekly group therapy session disguised as ritualized bullying, off-key singing, and cold beer.

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🌦 Weather Forecast:

• SPF 1000 still won’t save you

• Mud in places not covered by medical textbooks

• At least one Hasher attempting tree-humping

• A trail so confusing even Waze files a restraining order

• Mid-trail existential crisis (standard package)

Packing List: Sunscreen, poncho, dry socks, and whatever dignity you have left. Leave the common sense at home—trust us, you won’t need it.

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So lace up, chug down, and embrace your fate.

It’s not just a trail—it’s a lifestyle choice you’ll keep regretting in the best possible way.

You weren’t born for this, but neither was Just Johnny—and that’s why it’s perfect.

On On, you magnificent weirdos! 🧃💀🪩🍻

                             Hash N+317 "Festa Junina Hash"

Sunday, 22nd of June

From Waterfalls to Parking Lots: The Glorious Return to Brasília Hashing – Hash N+317 

After the legendary BH3 Weekend Away Hash 2025 in Alto Paraíso — featuring Hash N+314 (the fabulously ridiculous Friday night Red Dress Run), Hash N+315 (the sweaty Saturday slog to a waterfall that may or may not have been worth it, followed by an epic party we’re still piecing together), and Hash N+316 (Sunday’s Hangover Hash, aka the Zombie Shuffle) — it’s time to return to that cruel mistress called reality.

Yes, we’re back to hashing in and around our beloved concrete oven, Brasília. Not that we’re complaining (okay, maybe a little), but let’s be honest: it’s no Chapada with magical waterfalls, space mushrooms, and suspiciously friendly strangers. Still, we love this gloriously dysfunctional city.

And guess what? Just Laura and Opulence have bravely volunteered to hare Hash N+317! The run will start from the parking lot opposite Bosque Park – Complexo Gastronômico e Cultural. Translation: come early, feed your hangry inner beast, and maybe even use a proper toilet before the trail turns your legs into regret spaghetti.

🗺️ The Trail:

📍 Start: Parking lot opposite Bosque Park, SQN 316 in Asa Norte

🏃‍♂️ Runners: 7–9 km of “Am I training or just trying to escape my life choices?”

🚶‍♀️ Walkers: 5 km of “This counts as cardio if we gossip fast enough.”

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🍻 What to Expect (Besides Regret):

🎭 Chalk Talk: A quick tutorial on trail markings, traditions, and why we do this to ourselves. (Spoiler: no one knows.)

🍺 Beer Stop: Because Gatorade is for amateurs and beer is nature’s electrolyte.

🎉 Circle: The sacred ceremony of shaming, shouting, and singing songs that would get us fired from any real job.

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🌦 Weather Forecast?

Prepare for:

• Sun so hot your SPF gets scared

• Mud in places you didn’t know had crevices

• A drunk Hasher trying to climb a tree (again)

• A trail so twisty even Google Maps goes, “nah, bro”

• Sudden existential dread (it’s tradition)

Bring sunscreen, a poncho, spare socks, and a therapist’s number—just in case.

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So dust off your sneakers, hydrate like you mean it (with beer), and emotionally steel yourself for an afternoon of chaos, carbs, and questionable decisions.

You weren’t born ready, but you were born weird—and that’s more important.

On On! 🧃💀🪩🍺