Hash N+325 "Eixao Hash"

Sunday, 12th of October

                               🌞 Hash N°325 – Rise, Run, and Ruin Your Sunday

A historic 10:30 start, because miracles do happen (thanks, Kraut).

Hash N°324 Recap – The Little Hash That Could (Almost) 

Hash N°324 was a rather intimate affair—translation: small. Which was a real shame, because we had visitors all the way from Canada, ready to experience Brasília the proper way: lost, sweaty, and slightly hungover.

Luckily, Sperm Bank and Just Trinidade laid a fine trail that kept everyone entertained, confused, and hydrated (well… beer counts, right?). Our guests were not disappointed—mainly because they were too polite to say otherwise.

At the beer stop and again after the Circle, heroic tales and tragic confessions flowed faster than the warm beer. In short: a truly shitty Hash, as tradition demands.

---

Up Next: Hash N°325 – The Legend of the Flexible Kraut

Your hares for this week: Just Richard and Union Jack-Off, plotting chaos in the depths of Asa Norte.

In an unprecedented moment of humility, Just Richard begged on his knees for a 10:30 a.m. start so he could set trail at 7:00. And the Hash Master, in an act of divine mercy (or mild inebriation), said yes. (A flexible Kraut? Miracles do happen.)

After the trail, we’ll stumble straight to the Eixão for beer, food, and questionable life decisions.

---

📍 Start: SQN 107, Bloco C – Asa Norte

🐍 Trail: Winding through Asa Norte’s quadras and, naturally, the legendary Eixão.

---

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners: 7–9 km of “Oh God, why didn’t I stay home with Netflix and wine?”

🚶 Walkers: 5 km of “Instagram stroll… minus the filters, plus the sweat and at least one identity crisis.”

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Regret):

🎭 Chalk Talk: The TED Talk nobody asked for.

🍺 Beer Stop: Where your liver files for divorce.

🎉 Circle: Public humiliation, tone-deaf chanting, and beer so warm it’s basically soup.

Then we hit the Eixão parties, where sobriety goes to die.

---

🌦 Forecast:

☀ Hotter than Lucifer’s bidet.

---

🧳 Packing List:

• Sunscreen stronger than Just Richard’s excuses.

• One sacrificial sock (don’t ask, just trust).

• Your liver’s last suicide note.

• Whatever dignity you’re still clinging to—it won’t survive Circle.

---

So lace up your shame-proof shoes, hydrate like you mean it, and come suffer gloriously with us.

This isn’t a run. It’s group therapy—with beer, heckling, and the ever-present threat of accidental nudity.

On On, you magnificent disasters! 🍻🔥💀

 

                                 Hash N+324 "Asa Sul Hash"

Sunday, 28th of September

Hash N+324 – Back to the Future (and Probably Back to the Bar)

This week, Sperm Bank is dragging us all back to his old stomping ground in Asa Sul, because apparently he still hasn’t marked enough trails there. Helping him is our resident ultra-athlete Just Trinidade, who thinks “fun” means making mortals suffer through kilometers of cardio. So yeah, runners, this one’s for you. Walkers… well, pray.

📍 Start: Praça Índio Pataxó Galdino Jesus dos Santos, SHIGS 704 – Asa Sul

🐍 Trail: Will slither through Asa Sul like a drunk anaconda, maybe even invade the city park if the hares get lost (again).

---

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners: 7–9 km of “Oh god, why didn’t I just stay home with Netflix and wine?”

🚶 Walkers: 5 km of “Instagram stroll… minus the filters, plus the sweat, and several emotional breakdowns.”

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Regret):

🎭 Chalk Talk – A TED Talk nobody asked for.

🍺 Beer Stop – Where your liver files for divorce.

🎉 Circle – Public roasting, tone-deaf singing, and warm beer that could probably qualify as a fossil.

---

🌦 Forecast:

☀ Hotter than Lucifer’s bidet.

---

🧳 Packing List:

• Sunscreen stronger than Sperm Bank’s excuses.

• A sacrificial sock (don’t ask, just bring it).

• Your liver’s final suicide note.

• Whatever dignity you’re still clinging to (you won’t have it by Circle).

---

So slap on your shame-proof shoes, hydrate like it’s your last day on Earth, and come suffer gloriously with the rest of us.

This isn’t a run—it’s group therapy with beer, heckling, and the faint risk of accidental nudity.

On On, you magnificent disasters! 🍻🔥💀

 

                             

                             Hash N+323 "Lago Norte Hash"

Sunday, 14th of September

Hash N°323: Opulence’s Midlife-Crisis Trail

Guess what? Hash N°323 is creeping up, and once again Opulence has bravely (or foolishly) volunteered to hare it. Let’s be honest: the man’s no spring chicken anymore. We’d like to avoid scraping him off the trail after he trips over a pebble. So if anyone out there has a pulse and a shred of compassion, volunteer to give him a hand before we must call Lago Norte’s ambulance service.

📍 Start: Parque da 13, SHIN QL 11 – Lago Norte

🐍 Expect the trail to slither around the lake shores and through the Conjuntos like a drunken anaconda. Translation: scenic views, confused locals, and a pack of half-feral Hashers.

---

🗺️ The Trail

🏃 Runners: 7–9 km of “I thought this was a drinking club, not a death march!”

🚶 Walkers: 5 km of “Influencer walk… except you’re sweaty, red-faced, and probably scaring children.”

---

🍻 What to Expect (Other Than Bad Life Choices)

🎭 Chalk Talk – A PowerPoint-free lecture you didn’t ask for.

🍺 Beer Stop – Your liver’s last stand.

🎉 Circle – Roasting, off-key singing, and beer older than some Hashers’ replacement hips.

---

🌦 Forecast

☀ Sun hotter than Satan’s sauna towel.

---

🧳 Packing List

·         Sunscreen strong enough to protect against nuclear fallout

·         A sock you don’t care about (you’ll see why)

·         Your liver’s final ounce of bravery

·         Whatever’s left of your dignity (spoiler: you’ll lose it anyway)

---

So lace up your shame-proof shoes, drag your liver out of retirement, and come make this trail one for the “what the hell was I thinking?” file.

This isn’t just a run. It’s group therapy with beer, heckling, and possibly public nudity.

On On, you beautiful disasters! 🍻🔥💀

                            Hash N+322 "Vila Planalto Hash"

Sunday, 31st of August

Relaxa e Goza’s Farewell Hash: A Glorious Mess

Relaxa e Goza’s last romp through Brasília wasn’t exactly the Rio Carnival of Hashes — more like a drunken scavenger hunt with a GPS that kept screaming “recalculating!” But damn, it was fun.

We kicked off at Praça dos Cristais, where Relaxa e Goza, I Lost Myself, and Sperm Bank supposedly “set the trail” the night before. Word on the street (and by “street” we mean bar counter) is that more beer went into the hares than into the coolers. Which explains why the trail had it all: dirt tracks, fence-hopping, dodging traffic like suicidal frogs, and of course, the scenic chaos of Noroeste quadras.

Naturally, Relaxa e Goza got his farewell shirt — the kind of memorabilia that screams “look at me, I used to drink in Brasília!” He was also lovingly baptized in flour, which is Hash-speak for “we’ll miss you, but let’s ruin your laundry one last time.”

---

Coming Up: Hash N+322

Next up, Baba and Opulence will try their hand at herding us through the streets of Vila Planalto, starting from the Concha Acústica car park. Expect a chalk talk that will explain marks in a way that leaves you even more confused than before, at least one beer stop to trick your liver into forgiving you, and a circle at the end where dignity goes to die.

---

🗺️ The Trail

📍 Start: Parking lot beside Concha Acústica

🏃 Runners: 7–9 km of “Oh crap, this isn’t just a drinking club?”

🚶 Walkers: 5 km of “Influencer walk… but sweaty and feral”

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Regret)

🎭 Chalk Talk – A TED Talk no one asked for

🍺 Beer Stop – Hydration with consequences

🎉 Circle – Come for the roasting, stay for the off-key singing and beer older than some Hashers’ knees

🌦 Weather Forecast

☀ Sun hotter than Satan’s armpit

🧳 Packing List

Sunscreen, a sock you don’t mind saying goodbye to, your liver’s last ounce of fight, and whatever remains of your dignity (you won’t need it).

---

So slap on your shame-proof shoes, drag your liver into battle, and help us send Relaxa e Goza off in style.

This isn’t just a trail. It’s free therapy — with beer, heckling, and a sprinkle of public indecency.

On On, you glorious disasters! 🍻🔥💀

                                 Hash N+321 "Farewell Hash"

Sunday, 17th of August

                             “Farewell, Flour & Foolishness: Relaxa e Goza’s Last Stand”

Asa Sul Strikes Again

Apparently, Asa Sul has a monopoly on Hash trails, and Just Richard & Union Jack Off decided to keep the streak alive. They gifted us a mere 7km of quadra-hopping before leading us into the city park, where we heroically circumcised the lake (don’t Google it). Two beer stops later, we staggered back to the starting point - only to be greeted by latecomers who claimed they had “more important things” to do. Really? What could possibly outrank a sweaty beer crawl with questionable people?

All in all: a shitty trail, shitty company… with the added bonus of some “classic” faces making a comeback.

---

Coming Up: Hash N+321

Your hares will be Relaxa e Goza, Sperm Bank, and I Lost Myself. Relaxa e Goza—named just two Hashes ago - is already skipping town for another post, proving that Brasilia is just a pit stop for the commitment-phobic.

The start? Parking lot in front of Praça dos Cristais, Asa Norte—aka trail heaven for hares and a mild hell for everyone else. Oh, and while you’re there, wander over to the music shell opposite the start and whisper something weird. (Bonus points if you confuse passing tourists.)

This is Relaxa e Goza’s final Hash in Brasilia, so show up and make it memorable. Translation: pelt him with flour until he regrets ever joining.

---

🗺️ The Trail:

📍 Start: Parking lot, Praça dos Cristais, Military Sector, Asa Norte

🏃‍♂️ Runners: 7–9 km of “Wait… this isn’t just a beer club?”

🚶‍♀️ Walkers: 5 km of “Hot girl walk meets swamp creature”

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Bad Decisions):

🎭 Chalk Talk – Where marks are explained in a way that almost makes sense

🍺 Beer Stop – Hydration, but with hops

🎉 Circle – Come for the abuse, stay for the tone-deaf singing and beer that tastes like nostalgia (and regret)

---

🌦 Weather Forecast:

• Sun so hot you could grill a steak mid-trail

• At least one Hasher getting overly intimate with a tree - possibly spiritual, possibly not

---

🧳 Packing List:

Sunscreen, a sock you’re ready to sacrifice, liquid courage, and the tiny scrap of dignity you’ve been holding onto. Spoiler: you won’t need it.

---

So, lace up those shame-proof shoes, grab your liver by the horns, and come celebrate the short but glorious Hash career of Relaxa e Goza.

It’s not just a trail - it’s group therapy… with beer, yelling, and a slight risk of public indecency.

On On, you magnificent disasters! 🍻🔥💀

                                Hash N+320 "Leo Zodiac Hash"

Sunday, 3rd of August

Hash N+319 – The naming of Just Johnny

Hash N+319 took place deep in the steamy jungles of Asa Sul—okay fine, the civilized end of it—right in Just Johnny’s soon-to-be-former stomping ground. Why? Because our dear Hasher is jetting off to Washington, DC for a year-long Arabic bootcamp so he can yell “Where’s the beer?” in the Middle East with proper pronunciation.

Naturally, he wanted to show off where he's been pretending to live for the last two years (let's be honest, most of us thought he was imaginary). Sadly, the turnout was lighter than a Hash Cash’s wallet after a beer stop—blame the school holidays, not your charisma, Just Johnny.

At exactly 15:15 (yes, the trail started on Brazilian time—miracles do happen), the brave, slightly hungover pack hit the trail. And what a trail it was! We’ve never had so many Hashflashes—Johnny’s clearly angling for a photo album to impress his future Arabic classmates.

After the sacred beer stop (hydration is important, especially when it’s 5% ABV), we formed the Circle and made history. Just Johnny is no more! From this day forward, he shall be known across Hashdom as… Relaxa e Goza. (Go ahead, Google it. We’ll wait. No really—Google it.)

---

Up Next: Hash N+320 – The Ambiguously Marked Adventure

We’re staying in Asa Sul, because apparently it’s the new Sodom and Gomorrah of hashing. This time, Just Richard and Union Jackoff are teaming up to lay the trail. These two promise a thrilling mix of cryptic signs, unnecessary detours, and psychological warfare via flour blobs.

🗺️ The Trail:

📍 Start: SQS 305, bloco to be revealed like a reality show twist

🏃‍♂️ Runners: 7–9 km of “Wait, this isn’t just a beer club?”

🚶‍♀️ Walkers: 5 km of “Hot girl walk meets sweaty regret”

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Questionable Life Choices):

🎭 Chalk Talk: Where we pretend the marks make sense

🍺 Beer Stop: Hydration, but with hops

🎉 Circle: Come for the insults, stay for the off-key singing and flat beer

---

🌦 Weather Forecast:

• Sun that could grill a steak mid-trail

• Mud in places that will haunt your dreams

• One Hasher making out with a tree (spiritual or otherwise)

• A trail so twisted even Google Maps swipes left

• Existential crises included free of charge

---

🧳 Packing List:

Sunscreen, a sock sacrifice, liquid courage, and whatever dignity you have left. Spoiler: you won’t need it.

---

So lace up those shame-proof shoes, grab your liver by the horns, and come celebrate the newly named Relaxa e Goza.

It’s not just a trail—it’s therapy with beer and yelling.

On On, you beautiful weirdos! 🍻🪩🔥💀

                                     Hash N+319 "Naming Hash"

Sunday, 20th of July

Just Johnny’s Final F*ck-Up: The Trail, The Myth, The Naming Ceremony

Hash N+318: Confusion, Virgins, and Franco-Fun in Sudoeste

A small but mighty group of about 10 brave souls staggered into Hash N+318, ready to get sweaty in Sudoeste. Among them were some returners (who clearly hadn’t learned their lesson the first time) and two virgins, including one from France - yes, finally we have baguette representation again! Liberté, égalité, inebriété.

Just Johnny, desperately trying to earn a Hash name before Uncle Sam drags him back to the States, teamed up with I Lost Myself and Sperm Bank to lay a trail that was—how do we put this politely? - magnificent-ish. Equal parts scenic, confusing, and “are we lost or just drunk?”, it was the perfect intro to the labyrinth that is Sudoeste.

---

Coming Up Next: 

Hash N+319 – The Naming of Just Johnny

Yes, it’s happening. Just Johnny will hare again, and this time we’re officially naming the poor sod. Nobody knows why he’s so eager to earn a name—maybe he thinks it'll help with airport security - but he will be christened in true Hash fashion.

The start and end point is Praça da Persistência, Asa Sul, conveniently located in Just Johnny’s neighborhood, which means one thing: the trail will almost certainly be absolute crap. But hey, you don’t come for the quality—you come for the chaos.

---

🗺️ The Trail

📍 Start: Praça da Persistência, Asa Sul

🏃‍♂️ Runners: 7–9 km of “Cardio? I thought this was a drinking club.”

🚶‍♀️ Walkers: 5 km of "Hot girl walk meets heatstroke."

---

🍻 What to Expect (Besides Questionable Life Choices):

🎭 Chalk Talk: Learn the symbols, break the rules, and find out how we still haven’t been banned from public parks.

🍺 Beer Stop: Because electrolytes are just beer molecules in disguise.

🎉 Circle: Our sacred gathering of peer pressure, off-tune chants, creative insults, and warm-ish beer.

---

🌦 Weather Forecast:

• Sun so strong, even your shadow gets a sunburn

• Mud in places you'll never emotionally recover from

• At least one Hasher kissing a tree (consensually or not)

• Trail so disorienting, even Google Maps rage-quits

• Includes a free mid-run existential meltdown

🧳 Packing List:

Sunscreen, change of socks, bad decisions, and your lowest standards.

Leave your pride at home—it’ll only slow you down.

---

So, grab your running shoes, your drinking liver, and your weirdest self.

Let’s give Just Johnny the name he deserves (or regrets).

It’s not just a trail—it’s the bad decision you didn’t know you were missing.

On On, you glorious degenerates! 🧃💀🪩🍻

---